I'm better off

Blair and I

So I got this picture taken last year at my cousin Katie's wedding. We are the last single grandkids in our family. Brandon wasn't married nor engaged at the time but we knew it was coming soon so we didn't let him in the picture haha. Of course just as I thought Brandon asked his girlfriend, Rachel, of 4years to marry him and their getting married this weekend. Blair and I are still single. lol. The funny thing about it is that Blair is the oldest of all the grandkids and I am the youngest. ( I do have to make a quick observation though, man I am looking tan in that picture. woo hoo! Hope I'm looking that good this weekend.) Don't get me wrong the single life is easier and a lot less complicated, but I do like being in a relationship. I use to be pretty awesome at relationships, and from what I've been told from recent ex's I still am an awesome gf. (and yet they still broke up with me hahahaha whatever) But I have found that I struggle more in relationships now than I use to. I think it's because of everything that I've been through in relationships that causes me to distance myself from people. Well more like the male population, and even more specific whoever I am in the relationship with. I put up walls, and bury my feelings. I pretty much expect the worse, always. I expect to be left. That's just how it is. When a relationship ends it defiantly hurts there's no doubt about it. It hurts a lot. But at the same time there's a part of me that's relieved. I'm single again, woo, I don't have to worry about another person, worry about him hurting me, figure out how to communicate with him when he has hurt me, blah blah blah. Life my be lonely when you're single but it is easier. I turn to my friends when I need to talk, not a bf, I never have. I've never had a bf who really wanted me to. My friends are my support system. I go on trips with my friends and hangout with Brooke all the time so I don't need a guy for that either. I don't need a guy to go out with to have fun. I have my friends for that. (I had thought about writing a depressing or rant post about being single again, why do I always fall into these relationships, I don't trust people, blah blah blah, but instead I'm just writing this simple non angry/hurt post. No sense in writing an angry or depressing post) There were times in my first two relationships that I thought I needed to be with someone. Those were both serious, long term relationship and I didn't really know how to be single. But now, I think I'm better at being single.