Gmommy

So this past weekend my aunt darlene stayed with her. Gmommy has gotn very sick. Her skin has been very raw around the wound and they've tried all types of things from prescription medicines to plain ol' vaseline. Nothing has proven to be long term help. On top of that she was incredibly nauseous. The doctors don't know why she is feeling like that, there is no infection, virus, bacteria, nor is it a side effect of her medicines. So we think it might just be in her head. In which case you can't do anything about. But they do have her on anti-nauseous medicine now. She also has been switched to getting an IV 5 days a week, which started last week. However she is still not getting enough it seems. She isn't severely dehydrated but she's very week still and she just can't keep the fluids in long enough to do their jobs.

The main thing from this weekend that was worrying everyone is that she couldn't get up. She couldn't even sit up with out her heart racing. So that obviously has everyone worried. We think her body is finally giving up much like her attitude. She's just tired of fighting. She refused to eat anything so they had to force her to eat by telling her that she couldn't take her medicine without eating first. She would eat about 3 bites then refused to eat anymore. She stayed in bed the whole weekend. Aunt Darlene explained everything that was going on that weekend to the nurse on Sunday when she got there to relieve her. Before leaving the nurse asked Aunt Darlene that if Gmommy's heart goes is she supose to revive her. My aunt called my mom and uncle and they decided that if she goes don't revive her. Gmommy had made the decision that if she has no quality of life then to let her go. So that's the plan. If she goes she won't be resuscitated.

random quotes

"You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do." -- Henry Ford
"He that flings dirt at another dirties himself most." -- Thomas Fuller
"Statistically 100 percent of the shots you don't take don't go in." -- Wayne Gretsky
"You can't unscramble eggs." -- John Pierpont Morgan
"Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is the probable reason why so few engage in it." -- Henry Ford
"Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired." -- Mark Twain

5 year plan

My 5 year plan use to be having a job in photography and being married. Well now my 5 year plan consists of moving out of my parents house, having a job in the photography field, and being in a relationship with someone who respects me, cares about me, is trusting, honest, etc. That's pretty much it. Marriage isn't in the plan any more. Finding a descent man is hahahaha. Which is a pretty big challenge living in Albany. So is finding a job in photography. But everyone in all fields of work are having a hard time. O well.

church

"I grew up in church" so the saying goes. My g-daddy was a baptist preacher, my parents took my sister and I to church every Sunday morning, Sunday night and on Wednesday nights. I was in the children choir and GA's (girls in action). I went to every VBS, especially since my mom was and still is the director of VBS at Byne. I went to camp for a week during the summer as a kid. Then once in the youth group I was in the youth choir, I went on every mission trip, camp, day trip, activity we did in town, play, dinner theater, helped out with puppets and the drama team. I went to some of the youth VBS or I either helped out my mom during VBS. I helped out my boyfriend at the time in the audio booth on Sundays and he was in the youth band so I was at most of their practices and helped them set up stuff. Pretty much if the doors were open I was there. I loved being there. I loved doing all of those things. I had so much fun and learned so much.

Now when I go, well I don't go. But after high school things started changing. Actually they didn't change I think I just started noticing them. How hypocritical people are. I always knew they were but it just seemed to get worse. It wasn't just teenagers it was adults and senior adults. People who should know better and yet still act like children. People seem so closed minded about things, such as what type of music is played during the service. How ridiculous is that. With that close mindedness comes way too opinionated. People give their opinion but think that their way is the only way. How about everyone listen to everyone and then choose what best works for the whole and for God. Why do some people think that they always have to be right? People are so stubborn and bossy. And when they don't get their way or things are done in a way they think should go differently they talk about people behind their backs. Instead of doing what they should do and confront them. Tell people what you think. Don't act like children gossiping about each other instead of actually solving the problem. People act like stuck up brats and they form cliches. It's just so stupid that you don't even want to be at church. You don't learn anything from being there. There's no passion, no experience with God there. Which is so sad really. There is so much about it now that is just about politics within the church you don't want to get involved. And people act like their some sort of dictatorship as a preacher or the deacons think they should be running the church. When in reality it's the church as a whole that should make decisions for the church. People have bad experiences with each other and with people on church staff and they no longer want to go there or worse no longer want to go anywhere. Knowing that someone who is in a church position would act that way makes their heart harden on church as a whole and the people that work there.

I just have no interest to be at church. I'm sort of harden from it all and most of the people my age that I know seem to be the same way. They just don't get what they use to from it. We're better off being on our own, talking to God and having fellowship with our friends, reading our Bible on our own time and that be it. Going to church only pulls me away from God.


I keep trying to find a life

On my own, apart from You

I am the king of excuses

I've got one for every selfish thing I do

What's going on inside of me?

I despise my own behavior

This only serves to confirm my suspicions

dc talk

That I'm still a man in need of a Savior

Gmomy update.

Well like a previous rant post about gmommy, my parents had to take her up to Piedmont from Albany because she was so dehydrated on Thursday the 4th. She spent a lil under 24hrs in ICU because her sodium level was so low. Then they put her in a regular room. She went home on that Saturday. Well last Thursday the 11th the nurse who was staying with her had to take her back to the hospital because she was once again dehydrated. They told the doctor that was there that they need to put her back on schedule to get the visiting nurse coming twice a week to her house to give her an IV. But the doctor said no that it was to much of a risk of infection to do that. we said fine we'll be back again for dehydration next week. He said fine. Well obviously everyone is mad at this man. He's not even one of gmommys doctors he was just the hospitalist that was there this time. So we're trying to get a hold of two of her doctors to see what they say. Because if gmommy doesn't get this iv at home then this will be a never ending process of going to the hospital for dehydration. It's incredibly annoying. The risk of infection in an iv is better than racing to the hospital every week for fluids. Not 2 days after she got out of the hospital did she start feeling bad again. Their trying to hold off on taking her to see if maybe it'll go away but probably not. She'll probably be right back in there in a few days.

Back when everything first happened one of the doctors said that there is a surgery he could do to put everything back in and close her up, but that we'd have to wait a year to see how she heals and everything. Well last time she went to the doctor he said that shes doing great and he should be able to do the surgery. The only thing about it is because of her age and delicate state she only has a 50/50 chance of making it. So of course she's worried about having the surgery. It may sound morbid and awful however some of us, definitely me, think that she should do it. Best case scenario it works and she does much better or she doesn't make it and her suffering is ended and she gets to be in Heaven with God and gdaddy. Worse case scenario she makes it through but has complications and we're really in no better shape than she is now. Some of us think that if she doesn't make it would be a huge relief on her and a relief for everyone else. She is depressed all the time, she has trouble remembering things, she doesn't want to try any more, and she's constantly having to go back to the hospital. She's running out of money having to pay the medical bills and nurses to stay with her. My mom and aunt take turns on weekends taking care of her and giving the nurses a break off. My uncle doesn't do crap and is being a huge pain in their neck, causing more stress for them and the nurses.

My mom, dad, aunt and uncle (her husband not their brother) have discussed what they could do about the money situation. She can't continue to pay nurses to stay with her forever. She can't go to a nursing home with the health problems that she has. She can't stay in the hospital cause they don't do that nor could she afford that any ways. Long term hospitals are for people who require long term care and rehab to get better and go home, so she can't go there cause she's not really going to get any better than she is. She could possibly live with my aunt and uncle or my parents but then the problem is that all her doctors are at Piedmont and they don't want to take her far away from them. They don't want to try to get new doctors into her case.

So that's what's been going on with gmommy. It's a lot of mess.

crazy teachers

Out of all my years of school from preschool to graduating with my B.F.A. the best story I have of a psycho teacher loosing it during class would have to be my senior year of high school. I was in Spanish 2. There were a handful of us seniors with a whole bunch of juniors so the class was already obnoxious dealing with them and on top of that our teacher was crazy. She kept a travel mug in her desk that she would drink out of occasionally. She said it was coffee but we all knew it wasn't. It was liquor. lol. She would have random out bursts sometimes mostly though they were understandable because our class was terrible. This day was particularly horrible. The juniors just would not shut up and behave. Finally the class grew silent and were working on their assignments. Out of no where someone did something, either said something or a cell phone rang. I can't remember but she FREAKED OUT. She dramatically stood up, her chair flying back, she slammed her hands on her desk and said, " I am psycho". We all looked around at each other and then there was just a roar of laughter. No one could contain themselves. Including me. She meant to say "I am not psycho" but that isn't what came out. It was hilarious. She started yelling at us but you literally couldn't hear her over all the laughter. She stormed out of the room and soon after the assistant principal came into our room. He really didn't seem all that mad at us. He gave us a little lecture after we got quite. We explained what happen and you could hear her out in the hall yelling things back at us saying that we were lying. She refused to come back in the room and ultimately left for the rest of the day. The assistant principal had to take over her classes for the rest of the day. It was pretty awesome.

if i won the lottery

If I won the lottery (I would have to actually play the lottery however which I don't) I really wouldn't spend a whole lot of it. Seeing as how the government takes out a lot of it and then normally you get a certain amount of it periodically. But none the less it would still be great to win.
First off I would buy a new Honda Accord. I really like Civics better but the new ones look like the old Accords and the new Accords look like the old Civics. So I would probably test drive both and then choose.

Second I would get a 1 bedroom apartment. I thought about a 2 bedroom but really why spend the money on a room your not going to use? However I could use it as an office or studio but then who really wants to come to a studio to have their picture taken in an apt.? So I would go with a 1 bedroom. If any of my friends did want to come spend the night they can share the bed with me, sleep on the air mattress or sleep on the couch. I really don't care.

and thirdly I would but some more camera equipment. Some lenses, a couple more cameras. Perhaps some props and such.

Other than that I would just save it and use it to pay my bills.

the love game

Love: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties

: attraction based on sexual desire

Games: activity engaged in for diversion or amusement.
: a procedure or strategy for gaining an end
: a physical or mental competition conducted according to rules with the participants in direct opposition to each other
: any activity undertaken or regarded as a contest involving rivalry, strategy, or struggle
: animals under pursuit or taken in hunting
: willing or ready to proceed

When reading the definitions of games they seem to sound a lot like love. Do we not engage in relationships for enjoyment, amusement, companionship, etc. ? Don't we have strategies for finding someone? Examples being flirting or how we get dressed up for a date or to just go out with friends. We are in a mental competition with the others to look better, be better. There are unspoken rules that everyone knows. There is rivalry and struggle for attention. Aren't we considered as animals and don't we pursue each other? We have the term cougars. We joke about people being on the prowl for someone. We are willing are ready to proceed with relationships, companionship, sex. Isn't that pretty much what the definition of love said.

Also with love there are winners and losers. So why play the game?

5 Reasons Love Sucks "First, the expression most commonly used with love is “falling in love.” There is no better word to describe it. It is indeed “falling” in love, and that’s what sucks about it. You are tricked into it like an addictive gambling game, and then you are tripped, and you fall, and you keep falling in a seemingly endless spiral. And, like everything that falls, you eventually hit a bottom, and it will be hard and painful. Falling in love only gives you an incurable ache when you reach the end."

Why do people put themselves through that ache over and over again? Why risk it?

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”
— C.S. Lewis

When we open ourselves up to be loved we also open ourselves up to be turned down. We will be disappointed and broken.

"Trust is like paper, once crumpled it can never be perfect again" - unknown

Just like in games there is playing in love. People play with your emotions, your mind, your heart. They make you feel like your so special one moment and the next your nothing at all. People lie and break promises. Once your trust in someone is crumpled it can never be made whole again. You can try all you want to straighten it up but there will still be those wrinkles reminding you that they've lied or they've broken their promise before. Those wrinkles fill up with doubt. Are they telling the truth? Will they lie again? Why should I trust them? Do they really mean that? Will they actually follow through with that promise?

" love is like a butterfly, fluttering for a moment and as though it'll last forever" a little twist on Dr. Carl Sagan's quote, “We are like butterflies who flutter for a day and think it is forever.”

Love fools us into thinking that something can last. Nothing ever really works out though. You just fail a little better each time.

someone put a curse on me

I think someone put a curse on me to have crazy crap happen to every single day. lol. On top of the crap that was going on about G-mommy that I was ranting about the other day "no one listens to me" I was really hoping to have a good weekend. However that apparently was not what was in store for me. I had my hopes up about seeing someone over the weekend, my bad shouldn't have done that. I got my hopes up for nothing. So I don't blame that person for not texting me or anything on Friday but I do blame them for Saturday. They totally stood me up. It sucked. However I did go with my friend Brooke and her family to Columbus on Saturday to go shopping, but it rained the entire time and we didn't find anything. Apparently they suck just as much as Albany. So then I got stood up Saturday night. It was great. What a wonderful feeling. I spent Friday and Saturday night at home alone watching movies. Nice huh. Well Brooke and I decided that we were going to lay out on Sunday no matter what. Well we get out to the pool at River Point layed out about 15 mins when it started raining. So we left got something to eat and hung out at her house for about an hour. We called River Point to ask if it were still raining over there and they said it had stopped and the sun was starting to come out. So we headed back over and it was raining the whole way there and when we got there it was drizzly. Well being as determined as we were to have a good day and get to lay out we layed out in the drizzle. It only lasted a few mins then cleared up. So we got some sun for 2 hours. I guess that's better than nothing. When I got home I got to have a lovely conversation with the person that stood me up. So then I felt like crap again and went to go get something to eat and take my movie back from the night before. Brad had offered that I could come over and watch a movie with him so I wouldn't have to pay for another movie when he's got them for free. I thought I just wanted to be alone and sulk in my misery but walking around Blockbuster I knew that I didn't want to spend another night alone watching movies so I watched a movie with Brad. It made me feel a little better cause it got my mind of things for a little while. When I got back home I was texting Brooke about the conversation I had with that person and I accidentally sent one of the txts to him. I was so embarrassed but he said it was fine and kinda thought it was funny. I really wanted to run away and disappear, especially when I did it a 2nd time! Yup it happened twice. I felt like such a fool but such is life.

So then Monday comes around. I went to work just like always. I felt like crap from the weekend but no biggy. Well after lunch it got worse and I had to go home cause I was sick to my stomach and just felt exhausted. I ended up sleeping from 3-7 and then went back to bed around 11 and slept till 8am. Needless to say I felt very rested on Tuesday lol. At work on Tuesday I was thinking it would be a much better day because I feel better about everything. Well 10am this woman comes in to see one of the lawyers upstairs. She comes in pretty often, she's mostly blind and has some mental handicap also but I'm not sure what. Well she comes in crying and making a huge scene. She had an "accident". She went and used our bathroom continuing to make a scene about it (understandably I would have too being an adult). She was being so loud. She finally came out and started calling people on her cell phone crying and being hysterical. Her lawyer came down and told her that he would take her home. When they left I was sent to the store to buy a ton of disinfectant cleaning stuff for the bathroom. The whole office was smelling. So much for having a good day. On the way to the store I got to watch the lady in front of me hit a bird. That was lovely. So I get back to the office with all that stuff and my mom cleaned the bathroom hahahaha. I wasn't going to go in there. After lunch we get back to the office and she's back, doing much better, meeting with her lawyer. Before she left she used our bathroom again, walked out side and not 2mins later comes back in and uses the bathroom again! When she finally did leave, the bathroom got cleaned again.

Then after work I went to the grocery store for my mom to get us food for the week. I saw my friend Sarah there and we talked for a while. It was great to catch up some if only for a brief few mins. Right when I walked out the door of the grocery store the Heavens opened up and it was pouring! It looked like I had jumped in a pool by the time I made it to my car. Literally! I was soaked. And the wind was blowing crazily so my hair was all over the place on top of being completely wet. I looked like a wet dog. It was not a pretty look. I was thinking really?! This is really happening! So I decided I was not going to let it get me down. I was lucky that I was on my way home to take a shower so it didn't really matter that I got rained on. And then when I got home I pulled into my dads spot in the garage and unloaded the groceries, my purse and my shoes. Then I pulled back out and parked in my normal spot, rolled up my pants, got out of the car and strolled lazily across the driveway in the pouring rain singing out loud. hahahaha. . . I'm sure it was a sight to be seen. So there it was my attempt to take a crappy day and really a awful week and weekend and turn it into something else. Trying to make it better. And it did. I felt better about it. I started cooking dinner, took a shower, my parents got home, mom helped me finish dinner, I dried my hair and chilled out for a while. Then my stomach got a little sick again but I refused to let it get me down. I slept alright last night and I've had a pretty decent day today. Maybe things are starting to turn around. I hope at least.

i am here

I'll start from the beginning I guess. Once upon a time there was a girl. I believe her name was Christen Roach. I'm not sure how she spells her name though so that's what I'm going with for now. From what I'm told she lived in New Smyrna Beach, Fl. When she was 15 she got pregnant. Her family didn't want the baby. They didn't even want her to have the baby. They wanted her to have an abortion. But she refused. She knew she couldn't do that, she wouldn't do that. I don't know the details but she left her family, left her friends, left her life. She moved in with a preacher and his wife up in Marietta, Ga. There she waited. On July 23, 1987 she gave birth to an 8'7" baby girl.

And that's how my life started, that's how I came into this world.

The other side of the story is
Once upon a time a couple Jan & Clayton Smith and their 4yr old daughter Erin were at home with some friends when they got a phone call. It was from a friend of theirs in Florida. He asked them if they were still wanting to adopt another little girl. They said yes they would love to. He said ok I got one for you. He told them the story of Christen Roach and they knew that that was going to be their baby girl. Now because she was living in Florida and they were in Georgia adopting over state lines is very difficult. So they moved her up to Georgia to get away from her family and to make the adoption process more easy. After she gave birth they went to the hospital and picked up their newest addition to their family. A 8'7" baby girl who they named Casey Noelle Smith.

And that's how my life started, that's how I came into this world.

One day

One day someone will think I'm special enough to not forget about. One day someone will think of me first thing in the morning and want to tell me good morning. He will want to know how my day is and talk to me through out the day. He'll tell me goodnight everything. He'll want to see me as often as he can. He'll want to talk about absolutely nothing with me. He'll want to hold my hand out in public. When I'm not around no matter how long we've been apart he'll miss me. He'll never ignore me or forget me. He won't break plans unless it's an emergency. Someone who will think I'm amazing. Someone who thinks that I'm sweet and would feel horrible if they ever hurt me. Someone who can't go a day with out speaking to me. He'll always be there when I need him. He'll listen to me rant about something aggravating me. He will want me to be a part of his life and share his life with me. He won't forget to text me or call me back. He'll take care of me as I take care of him.

I want to find a man who will care about me and love me beyond belief. He'll support me in whatever I do. We'll cook for each other, I'll do laundry and keep up the house. We'll take care of each other when we're sick and give each other massages when we've had a bad day. We'll be there for each other through every hardship in life and never give up on one another no matter how hard things may get. We'll work through our problems and come out holding each other in the end. Whether we have children or not we will be our own little family.

One day we'll find each other.

Maybe . . .

no one listens to me

I feel like I am going to cry or scream at someone. I feel so stressed. People calling at work are being obnoxious and I am not the most tolerable person. I can be nice to a certain point and when the situation calls for it but there comes a point when I lose it and I just snap. I have had enough and I put people in their place. (I do take pleasure in it though and my dad thinks it's kinda funny). But I'm hoping that tomorrow will be a quite day at work since dad is out of town.

That's the other thing that is driving me over the edge. My family. So my mom and aunt thought it would be a great idea to take gmommy to the lake for the weekend, then to our house for the week, then my mom would take her back to atl on Friday or Saturday. They thought it would be good to give the nurses a week off, and it gives them a week of not having to pay the nurses. However that means that they have to take care of her for the whole time. Which I thought was ridiculous. My mom is already stressed out enough so then she decides it would be a good idea to take care of gmommy for over a week! STUPID! I told her what I thought but no one listens to me. So I went with her up on Thursday of last week to gmommys house. She wasn't feeling to terrific but whatever. Friday we had a doctors appointment. Gommmy almost passed out while there. It's because she was dehydrated. I kept saying that over and over and over again, but no one listens to me. They just baby her all the freaking time. It drives me crazy. She's gotten lazy, and she never wants to do anything, and expects everyone to do everything for her. I kept telling her that she had to drink more. Drink this, drink some more, finish this. But everyone else is like ok if you don't want anymore then ok. WHY DO YALL THINK SHE IS SO DAMN DEHYDRATED NOW, CAUSE NO ONE MADE HER DRINK. They just baby her all the time. But no one listens to me.

Well we did make it to the lake house which took 6 hours instead of 4, cause we had to stop twice to clean up gmommy. Well my parents and aunt Darlene were at the lake house taking care of gmommy. She did enjoy herself while there. She got to sit on the dock, they watched deer in the yard during the morning and she even got to ride on the boat. However she was still weak and dehydrated. So my mom gets her to our house on Wednesday and gmommy is feeling nauseated. Well while at work mom had me look up one of the medications that gmommy was taking. I told her all this stuff about it and told her that this is why gmommy is sick. So she called the doctor and he said the same thing. So they stopped giving her that. However by this time she can't keep anything down so she can't get hydrated. I get home from work and take a shower. My mom is deciding whether to go on back to atl. or wait or take gmommy to Palmyra here. I think she needs to go ahead and take her back to atl or at least first thing in the morning, but no one listens to me. Mom decides that she is going to wait till the next day and go into work to get payroll done. So dad and I go to work the next morning mom comes a little while later once the maid got to our house. We went to lunch and their trying to decide whether to take gmommy to Palmyra or go ahead and take her to atl. I said they should go ahead and take her to atl. but no one listens to me. Well gmommy doesn't get any better like we were all hoping so when mom got back to the house after work that next day she takes gmommy to Palmyra and they sit and sit and sit and sit. Finally they gave up and left. I rushed home and packed up all of gmommys stuff and loaded it in moms van while mom packed her and dads clothes. I packed that up in the van also. Dad got home and they loaded gmommy in the car and took off for atl. YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT WHEN I TOLD YOU TOO! but no one listens to me.

So that is what's been going on. I'm annoyed and don't want to hear anybodies bull cause I'm not going to take it. I am at the point where I will bitch people out. I will snap, yell, curse, and make them understand just how stupid they are. I will put people in their place.

worst actors

Sylvester Stallone: I think the main reason I don't like him is his accent. I just don't like that NY accent. On top of that I really don't think that he is a good actor. I mean really it always seems to be the same type of character. He's tried out comedy but still pretty much the same. I understand that most actors/actresses are type cast and can only seem to do the same type of thing but I really can't stand Stallone in anything that he has done.

Steven Seagal: For starters check out this ridiculous website http://www.stevenseagal.com/. I can not take him seriously. I think it's great what he's done for the charities that he has helped out but he just seems like he's got a few screws loose. I don't know. And once again this is a man who only seems to be able to play the same type of character. I don't find him to be a good actor in them either. I don't think I've ever been able to watch an entire movie that he is in but the parts that I have watched he doesn't even have very many lines. . . I wonder why!?! Cause he's not good. He can fight that's pretty much it.

Jean-Claude Van Damme: Another Martial Arts/Action film actor. Maybe I just don't like martial arts actors, because their martial arts expert first and then think that they can act, which they can't. I just do not like his acting. I do find him to be a better actor than Seagal and Stallone though.

my most serious injury

Mothers Day 1988, just two months before my first birthday. Our family was visiting my grandparents in Smyrna, Ga. It was lunchtime and all the women were in the kitchen. I was in my highchair at the table and my mom, g-mommy and aunt were fixing hot dogs for lunch. They could hear me chanting for my hot dog but didn't realize that I was now standing up in my highchair. Next thing they hear is the crashing sound of the highchair falling backwards and me taking out one side of g-mommys china cabinet. O yes, I took out the whole side glass door, several shelves, and a lot of dishes and glasses all with my head. One large piece of the glass from the door came down just cm from my head. If it had hit me it would have killed me.

So there I lay lifeless on the kitchen floor, blood and glass all around. Of course they started to FREAK OUT! My dad and g-daddy came rushing in and saw me there and began to panic also. Everyone rushed over to check on me just knowing that I was dead but luckily I wasn't. I began to cry. Which was a huge relief to everyone, but now a new fear struck, get her to the hospital immediately! My mother was holding me in the backseat of my grandparents Cadillac, while my dad was pacing around the house about to pass out from what has just happened. My g-daddy stayed at the house with my dad trying to calm him down, while g-mommy and aunt were getting in the front and one of them grabbed a hod dog for me before leaving the house. My mom thought they were being crazy for getting me a hot dog while I'm sitting there crying from what everyone believes is pain. However, as soon as they handed me the hot dog I quit crying and began chowing down on it. They couldn't believe it. All I wanted was that stupid hot dog even after falling threw a china cabinet and getting cut up from all the broken glass.

Well obviously everything was ok cause I'm still here. There was no permanent damage all I got were some stitches which got taken out before my birthday. I only have 2 scares on my head from it which are in my hair. Their easy to find cause hair doesn't grow there, which lets us know just how deep some of the cuts went. My grandparents got the china cabinet door replaced however none of the grandchildren were allowed to sit in front of it until they were teenagers. And although I don't remember any of it because I was so young I still have the scars to remind me. It's a memory that none of us will ever forget.

My 1st Birthday - at G-mommy & G-daddys house

if i had a super power

Well of course my top 3 choices would be: invisibility, flying, & telekinesis. But if I had to just choose one . . . . . I guess it would be telekinesis. I would pick flying over invisibility but with telekinesis I could just lift and move myself with my mind so it would kinda be the same thing as flying. I would love to be able to fly. I could get places so much faster and I would be able to go on so many more trips cause I'd be saving money. And with telekinesis it does sort of up the laziness factor a bit but I would work on it lol. It would definitely help out a lot I'm sure, especially with moving heavy things. Anyways that's just a random post.

im such a weirdo lol

• magazines in the bathroom with people on them. it looks like their staring at me while I'm using the bathroom
• the ends of hot dogs. i just cant eat them. it looks nasty and tastes nasty. i don't know why.
• going to bed with dirty feet. i cant do it. i cant get into bed when my feet feel dirty, knowing what has probably come into contact with them.
  
• loud noises. like putting up the dishes, they're all clanking against each other and making so much noise. or the static on the tv, or even worse when the weather broadcast interrupts your show and scares the crap outa you with that obnoxious beep beep beep crap they put on.
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i'll add more as i think of them

what am i passionate about?

Well for starters photography obviously seeing as how I have a degree in it. However, I do get burnt out on it probably cause I'm not doing what I want to with it and I'm sort of stuck right now. But other than that there are few things that I'm passionate about. Mostly silly things but others that aren't.

• I love staring at the stars.

Whenever I get home after dark I always look up at the stars when I get out of the car. It's just so beautiful. The stars are just amazing and wondrous. I could spend hours admiring Gods incredible work.

• Being out in nature.

I may not seem like it but I do like being outdoors. No, I do not like the heat, humidity, or bugs, but I love being outside. Going on long walks in the woods, hiking up mountain trials, being at a lake or the ocean. It's wonderful. The fresh air, sun, cool breezes. But my favorite part is seeing the beautiful things that God has created. The animals, plants, just everything. It's exciting.

• My friends

My friends mean the world to me. They are the most wonderful people on earth. I have truly been blessed to have such people in my life. They are always here for me when I need them. We always make time for each other even as life gets more complicated and time more constricted. I don't know where I would be without them all. Each one is special and I couldn't do without any of them.

And what I am probably most passionate about . . .

• Love

I don't know why I am so passionate about love especially after everything I've been through. And I've definitely been through a period when I never wanted to fall in love again. I was too afraid of being hurt or feeling any of that again. And sometimes I still feel that way but you can't stop how you feel. Maybe I was made to love. When I am with someone in a relationship I give it my all. I don't hold back. I don't know how to really. I text them every morning to wish them a good day. I text them at night to say goodnight. I'll text them during the day to see how their doing. I care about how their day is going, how they slept, if their in a bad mood, if they feel bad, everything. I care about it all and I want to make them happy. I love to cuddle. I love playing with their hair. I love rubbing their back. I love saying mushie things to them. I don't know I just love it all. After everything that has happened to deter me from love I still long for it.