I'm better off

Blair and I

So I got this picture taken last year at my cousin Katie's wedding. We are the last single grandkids in our family. Brandon wasn't married nor engaged at the time but we knew it was coming soon so we didn't let him in the picture haha. Of course just as I thought Brandon asked his girlfriend, Rachel, of 4years to marry him and their getting married this weekend. Blair and I are still single. lol. The funny thing about it is that Blair is the oldest of all the grandkids and I am the youngest. ( I do have to make a quick observation though, man I am looking tan in that picture. woo hoo! Hope I'm looking that good this weekend.) Don't get me wrong the single life is easier and a lot less complicated, but I do like being in a relationship. I use to be pretty awesome at relationships, and from what I've been told from recent ex's I still am an awesome gf. (and yet they still broke up with me hahahaha whatever) But I have found that I struggle more in relationships now than I use to. I think it's because of everything that I've been through in relationships that causes me to distance myself from people. Well more like the male population, and even more specific whoever I am in the relationship with. I put up walls, and bury my feelings. I pretty much expect the worse, always. I expect to be left. That's just how it is. When a relationship ends it defiantly hurts there's no doubt about it. It hurts a lot. But at the same time there's a part of me that's relieved. I'm single again, woo, I don't have to worry about another person, worry about him hurting me, figure out how to communicate with him when he has hurt me, blah blah blah. Life my be lonely when you're single but it is easier. I turn to my friends when I need to talk, not a bf, I never have. I've never had a bf who really wanted me to. My friends are my support system. I go on trips with my friends and hangout with Brooke all the time so I don't need a guy for that either. I don't need a guy to go out with to have fun. I have my friends for that. (I had thought about writing a depressing or rant post about being single again, why do I always fall into these relationships, I don't trust people, blah blah blah, but instead I'm just writing this simple non angry/hurt post. No sense in writing an angry or depressing post) There were times in my first two relationships that I thought I needed to be with someone. Those were both serious, long term relationship and I didn't really know how to be single. But now, I think I'm better at being single.

earlist memory

The earliest memory that I have would have to be when I had an asthma attack as a child. I was about 2 years old and we were at Chucky Cheese for my cousins birthday party. I don't really remember being there but I remember being taken to the hospital and staying at the hospital. I remember being in the backseat of the car wondering what was going on and why is everyone freaking out. Little did I know that my lips were purple. I remember sitting on the bed and Gmommy sitting on the bed in front of me with my Playschool tape player, you know the one with the microphone. I remember laying in the bed inside a white tent and wondering what was going on. It felt like I was getting shots all over. Of course I didn't understand that I was laying in an oxygen tent and the needle feeling was, that tingling feeling you get when a body part falls asleep, because my body wasn't getting enough oxygen. I remember looking up and seeing a milk jug and wondering why did they have a milk jug in my tent. Of course it wasn't a milk jug it was just part of the oxygen tent thing. I spent a couple of nights there. I don't remember staying the night or anything else about the room but I remember the play room there. I had to walk down a long hallway and I was hooked up to an IV, which I refused to let anyone else push around. I insisted on doing it myself and this was an IV poll tall enough for an adult. So you can picture a 2year old trying to push this IV poll around. Of course I wasn't strong enough too and my parents were holding onto the top of the poll pushing it around. lol. There was one of those big bumps in the doorway to the playroom which I had to have help getting the IV poll over. The only thing I remember about the playroom is there was a window seal that was big enough for us to sit in and my mom and I sat in the window playing tea party.

It's strange how you can remember something from when you were so young but you don't remember all the details of it. You don't even remember big chunks of it, just strange pieces. I guess since I was only 2 years old those were the things that I thought were important so that's why those are what I remember. Who knows.

I paint a picture, I think it's easier to live that way

just a little rant

Today . . . . is an aggravating day. I didn't sleep well last night so I'm tired (mostly just tired of people though). I don't feel good because it's "that time of the month" so of course my fuse is short and people piss me off very easily. I'm not a grumpy, angry, crazy person during "it" but I do get pissed easier. And I have a tendency to say what is on my mind when I would normally keep it to my self. I don't say absurd things or anything. It's things that I was already thinking but wouldn't have said for whatever reason, I just don't have much of a filter on what comes out of my mouth right now. And that isn't a good combination when you live and work with your parents. They drive me crazy on a daily basis so this just makes it worse. And then I'm in some, I don't know what's going on with this guy, thing so that puts me in a bad mood. I had to reschedule things at work because other people had scheduled a closing for the same time another client was suppose to be here. So I had to fix that mistake that someone else caused. I don't really like Wendys but that's where we ate today and of course they messed up my order. (which isn't a big deal but since I'm ranting I might as well add that in) I'd really like to yell at everyone and just leave. Move far far away. Live on the beach. Start a whole new life or something. Of course that isn't going to happen. I'd really like to go to walmart and run people over with my car. Bunch of stupid, arrogant, ignorant people. Not to mention that yesterday I practically got into an argument with a skitsofrantic, drug addict at work. He's normally an alright guy, comes in asks for money or for some papers that we already gave him. I tell him we've already given them to you and he says ok and leaves, but not yesterday. He wanted to argue with me and get in a mood. And dad always told me to be nice cause he's crazy and we don't need him losing it and trying to kill us! So I tried to handle it as nicely as I could. I eventually went and got another secretary. She told him the same thing and he said ok and left. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Seriously he was fine then. But for some reason he was going to get angry and argue with me. That's some bull shit. But that's my life. Whatever.

gmommy update

Well Gmommy finished with her rehab but she still isn't able to go home so she's been moved to an assisted living place. God really worked things out with it. Mom, Aunt Darlene had already gotten everything planned out before they told her that's where she was going. They were really worried about telling her and how she would react. But God worked it all out. Gmommy had a doctors appointment that day to get her arm and hip looked at to see how she was doing. The doctor came in and said that things were looking great and that she is ready to leave the rehab facility however she wasn't capable of going home alone yet. He said that he really thinks that she should go to an assisted living place until she's physically ready to go home. So mom and aunt Darlene were relieved that the doctor told her that would be best for her. The amazing thing is that the doctor didn't know that it had already be planned to move her there. Once they got back to the rehab place the broke the news to her. My mom, aunt and uncle were there to tell her. She took it well. She wants to go home of course but understands that she can't do that right now.

Mom and dad went to Gmommys house the weekend of Easter to get some of her furniture and things. Then they brought it all down to the assisted living home, which is in Dothan. It's only 2miles from my aunts house so that works out really well. Wednesday they released her from the rehab place and moved her over to the assisted living home. She's doing really well there. She loves having her own stuff and that makes her a lot more comfortable and makes it feel like it's hers. It's a two bedroom suite with a den and kitchenette thing. She's also on the corner of the building so she's got more windows and they've put several of her bird feeders outside all of her windows. My mom spent the night with her the first night to help her transition better and so she wouldn't be alone.

It's been a week now and she's doing well. She's having a little trouble making friends but that'll just take some time. She's gotten her hair done there, she's gone out to eat with ( they have several activities through out the day like bingo, exercise classes, going shopping and going out to eat) several of the people there as an outing. So she's doing well and enjoying it more. So things are going well.

moms birthday

We celebrated moms birthday this past week. I kept asking her for weeks what she wanted but she couldn't think of anything and would just say she's got time she'll think of something. Well the weekend before her birthday she decided that instead of getting her anything she wanted me to plan dinner for the whole week and cook. (strange because I normally do that anyways) So I did. Even though she was gone Tuesday night and Thursday her birthday we went out. But anyways. . . I got her a cookie cake that she always wants for her birthday. We celebrated Wednesday and Thursday mainly cause I had to pick up the cake on Wednesday and none of us could wait till the next day to eat it. lol. Dad wrote her a poem about how she deserves a huge rock (large diamond ring) blah blah blah. . . the he got a clear glass door knob and got some of my wire and turned it into a giant ring. It was pretty funny. The real surprise though was the jewelry she got. See my mom has lost some of her favorite and expensive jewelry. It's been almost a year lol. She knew she had put it some where "safe" when they went on vacation last year. They were gone for like 9 days or something so my mom hide her jewelry incase something happened to them. I don't understand either but whatever. So her and my dad have searched the house over trying to find them but no luck. Well on Wednesday my dad decided to check his safe and what do you know there it was. Her jewelry in a ziplock bag in the safe. So dad took them to be cleaned and i put them in a nice box for her to open as if he had actually bought her some new fancy jewelry. She opened that box and yelled with excitement. That was the best gift ever lol. She loved it more than if she had gotten new jewelry. So it was pretty funny.

Thursday her actual birthday we went to eat for dinner at The Catch. And that was pretty much it.