Till Death Do Us Part

After Chris passed away several people told me to just keep on praying and God will send me the "one." It made me so mad! 

1. Did they think that I had wasted 7 years of my life with Chris? 

2. Did they think that because Chris died he wasn't the person I was supposed to be with? 

3. Did they think that I had made a wrong decision somewhere along the way and being with Chris wasn't part of God's plan for my life? 

I knew none of that was true. People were just trying to be kind and supportive. That was all. But it made me think about those questions. Made me wonder if people actually thought those things. I didn't. I didn't waste my life with Chris. I don't regret being with him at all. That thought has never once crossed my mind. 

So, let me give you a little background information about the relationship Chris and I had. Chris and I met on Saturday night, June 1st 2013, in Myrtle Beach. I was there with 3 of my friends and their husbands (yes, I was the only single one lol. Story of my life) and he was there with his cousin and his cousins friends. It was completely spontaneous silly circumstances that he was even in Myrtle Beach! So, for us to even meet . . . definitely God's plan. We exchanged phone numbers and talked to each other every day that week and on Friday I went to Charleston, where he lived, to see him for the weekend. 

Back at work in Leesburg on Monday morning, I was job searching in Charleston. I knew! I knew that I had to be with him. That's all there was to it. And he felt the same. After months and months of job searching, interviews, and apartment hunting, I moved to Charleston January 2nd 2014. About 2 weeks later I started working at the College of Charleston. We lived in a tiny 1 bedroom apartment and we loved it! lol. We lived there for a few years and then in September of 2017 we bought a townhome, where I still live. 

The love that Chris and I had was something that I didn't even believe existed before I met him. It was love at first sight, passionate, effortless. I swear I think we made each other laugh every single day. Even during the rough years that we struggled through we still loved one another. Without a doubt.

Not my will but thy will be done. It's not always about us! God has a plan for everyone and those plans cross, intertwine, blend, and merge. It was God's plan for me to be in Chris's life. For me to be with him through those tough times. 

Love is a crazy and powerful thing. Chris might not have been the person that I get to spend my life with but I got to be that person for him. And I feel so blessed to have gotten to be that person. 

The book of Esther 4:14, "And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" God placed her in a position to help her people. I believe that God placed me in Chris's life to help him and love him through it all. 

There's one thing that really helped me, Chris's mom, and his sister when he passed away and that's something that his sister's husband told us. Chris died knowing he was loved. He knew that we all deeply loved him and were there to support him, which wasn't always the case during his spiral down. And so many addicts pass away all alone, with no one, disowned from their family and friends. We were blessed to have time at the end to spend with him clean and happy and loved. 

Here's where the tears are going to come. Not many people know that I was the last person to see Chris. He came over to the house that day and we spent the afternoon together. We got lunch, watched tv, and played with Greta. Then he said he was going to go to an AA meeting. I said ok. He got his stuff together, we hugged and kissed and said "I love you" just like we always do. I sat back down on the couch and he went to the door. I heard him trying to put his shoes on with Greta bugging him hahaha. And I don't know what came over me but I needed to tell him "I love you" again. So from the couch, down the hallway, I yelled in my boisterous funny voice "IIIII LOOOOOVEEEE YOOOOUUU!!!" I heard him laugh, pause and then say "I love you too" with a chuckle in his voice.

Then he left. And that was the last time we saw each other and the last words we spoke to one another. Those were the last words anyone spoke to him. And I can't tell you how happy that makes me feel. To go back and think that he might have been alone when he passed away but he knew he wasn't alone in life. He knew his family loved and supported him, his friends loved and supported him, and I loved and supported him.  

Chris might not have been the person that I get to spend the rest of my life with but I got to be that person for him. And I feel so blessed to have gotten to be that person. I can't think of a greater honor.